So last night, I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying AGAIN because I realized that (maybe) I’m not the only person that _____ is entertaining at the moment. Of course it fucking hurt. I underestimated how much it would hurt me, but then when I decided that, well, I’d still give this a chance, the tears stopped. Why?
Maybe because I realized that forgiving and looking at the bright side and taking into consideration all the right things that have happened so far and all the things that are bound to happen is the only way to go. I don’t want to lose this–not yet. I’m not prepared for that yet. I think I could still carry this through and see where it would take me. So for now, I forgive. For any similar instances that would happen in the future, I WILL FORGIVE. For something like this, I have to take what I can get–what he can give me. If that does not include exclusivity, it’s fine. I will enjoy the moment and take it as it is.
When that time comes that he would decide to go into a serious relationship with another person, I’d let go. I will disappear because I don’t want to be the reason of someone else’s pain. I’d rather be hurt and deal with the sadness regarding this thing with ____ than ask for more than what he could give me. Is that fair? I think so. I’ll take what he can give and not ask for more, mostly because I’m still not willing to let go.